02 Sep 2009
Please Shiena, don't read this... I just want to unleash everything out of my mind with tears...
I still have tears again as I'm writing this... A lot... I don't remember the last time I cried so much, for a person like me who was known to be cruel, evil, demon, tricky, "uncryable". I did cry before, for the same person and it was the biggest cry to the point I got sick... That was when I knew I was gonna miss her, her voice... But today, the record has been broken from the same person. First of all, it was never a fight that made me cry... It was the fact that I hate to lose her, I hate to not get to talk to her, see her, touch her... Most importantly, I hate when things don't go well for her! Especially when we were this close to get to finally be together. My poor baby... What has she done in her previous life to deserve so much bad curses!? Because she's too good in this current life to deserve so much bad things! Was she bad in her previous life!? Please miracle, god, buddha, anyone, give us the light, the strength to fight the curse and make her have the most beautiful life... PLEAAASE... I BEG YOU!
She has caught my heart so well, she handles my heart at perfection. She's faithful, pretty, lovely voice, she just has EVERYTHING I dream of. But what's most important, the core of everything, is her PURE HEART. Never did I cry over any relationship before... I did have feelings, sadness, etc... But... Were they even love? All I know is... This is really the best love I've ever found, by miles!
I cried, I cry, and will cry... Not from being hurt by her... not at all... but being hurt by how she got so much bad lucks... If no powerful help could lend her the energy that could support her, please, I'd like to sacrifice myself to be the one to transfer the wealthy-happy life to her. That girl of my life has suffered enough... LET HER GO OFF ALL THE BAD SPIRITS AND LUCK AROUND HER ALREADY!!! She hasn't done anything wrong to deserve it! That should already be enough to pay off her previous life debt! She's born an innocent good person!!!
I cried, I cry, and will cry... Although I'm also in pain, I'm not weak to give up being affected by her life. I'm NEVER gonna give up on this love, EVER! She's the most perfect human being I could ever hang around with!
I cried, I cry, and will cry... At some point, it makes me accumulate the power and energy to naturally turn my cries into wealth and happiness, with the best love ever. Crying makes me look weak already, for a person like me... But a person like me will make his cries deadly, full of vengeance, the will to learn from what caused the big tears and turn it into the essence of SUCCESS.
NEVER BACK DOWN. NEVER GIVE UP. IF IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING YOU LOVE SO MUCH AND TAKE CARE OF, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
= = = = = = =
T.E.A.R.S. O.F. A.N.G.E.L.
= = = = = = =
Can't believe this is not even one year. So intense, it felt like it was 3 years.
So charming, willing to learn and never give up. CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN ME WHY SUCH KIND OF PERSON WOULD GIVE UP HER STUDY PLEASE!? THAT IS NOT WHAT SHE WANTS BUT SOME PEOPLE MAY MISINTERPRETE HER INTENTIONS! SAME FOR WHEN SHE LOOKS FOR A JOB! SHE'S A PERSON WHO LIKES TO LEARN, DISCOVER, HAVE ADVENTURE, EXPERIENCE AND NEVER GIVES UP! This is exactly how I fell into her charms... Even when I was gonna give up helping her, thinking that she would just be like others who would just say "Ok thanks", she still didn't give up. Truly one of a kind. It made me feel bad to leave such person with unfinished business there. The way how she kept me was pure heart catching... I really fell for it... My heart beated there... She is truly a faithful love I've always dreamed for... I would never think I'd meet such a person. But I did. And what are the odds to have one like her... Seriously. I fell in love with her and I'm so happy she really also fell in love with me... I love her so much, I can't even imagine her with any other guy in the future, only me. Those guys would have their souls crushed if they even attempt to try to win her heart away from me. But of course it's impossible to win her heart when I already got her heart and she's got mine... Just that my heart with her may fight away whoever tries to get near her.
"What is the Nutty Peanut Butter... ... ..."... That moment was making my heart beat when she started to talk to me with her lovely sweet and soft voice. I kept wanting to hear over and over again even when I wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up... It made my day and started my day happily at that time.
We went far in the relation together, starting to intensify our love even more, to the point we felt like we've created the sun.
Later on, she introduced me her hard life that kept going on a little worse... Then it seemed to get worser and worser... I was stupid to be afraid to fall into the "worse life story lies" when I just loved her at first. Until later I uncover that all what she said has really been the truth... Being stupid that I was, I was even softer and more laid back although I got paid well but I felt like it was the most paid I could ever get. So I had a talk with her and I said I'd start a new project, business, something that will be kept only for the two of us in the future. Something expandable that would make good amount of money. It is the AG-AG2 new concept which includes business, marketing, etc. Of course, as a start, things don't pay much so I had a side job to survive. Putting efforts on both.
Talking about softness... Wow at how much hockey really ate my times... Imagine what I could have done with those times accumulated together for business only! I'm such a hopeless boyfriend... Why do I realize things after... I need to get into a big fight where too many strong fighters would team up to beat me up. I need to wake up from physical pain.
Whenever I don't see her or hear her, I just completely feel sad, alone, thinking of her...
Her enthusiasm in her voice when she talks about things she has experienced, discovered or known, her laughs... I want them back... I want them back, so badly... I don't want to hear her cry anymore... It's painful... I must bring back what I want... I must make it happen... so PLEASE GIVE ME THE POWER!
I can still also hear the laughes from the siblings... her voice and laughes too... It was so lovely... It is still resounding in my head with sad echoe... I want happiness to be back upon her, her siblings... and of course our future lives including mine as well.
As she recently started school, she was so full of enthusiasm talking about women psychology... I mean it... Full of it... I miss her hypeness... She was about to learn so many amazing things that I hate to admit that most of those things are true on men.
Until we got an interruption (true or not), leading into forcing her to be absent from school. That... that... ahh that is... one of the very sad things to see from the very loved one... So hype, so full of enthusiasm, loving what the person is learning, enjoying and then suddenly something shocks her and scares her and all of the beautiful flame has been extinguished... PLEASE SEND ME AND HER THE POWER TO CREATE THE BEAUTIFUL FLAME AND FEED IT MORE AND MORE!
Paranoia... The whole scary atmosphere around you can surely get you paranoid...
My plans being forced to be interrupted... Leading into emergency plan that happens to fail out of the rush! Will there be luck behind that CURSE for at least ONCE!? ... We should stop wishing... because curse will be paying its debts. We should FIGHT to not have any curse against us, and eventually create more space for LUCK AND SURPRISES.
I have kept my composure in public... my tears (although my eyes had more tears than usual)... my strength in talking... my standing posture... etc... Until I realize there's no more reason to stay at that place any longer, I had to leave... That is when I left that all my memories about my sis and bro came back to my mind... Everytime I left the airport, I never left with no one, with empty hands... Always with a smile, laugh, fun talk... This time, I left with deception that is hanging on my back and legs... Trying to find a way to fight all the curse... I did the best I can as a person from far away... The disappointment is... I SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT SERIOUSLY FROM YEARS AGO! THEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY EASIER!
...
Help... Help her... Help... Help her... Don't be helpless... Help when you can, not when you expect something in return right away.
...
Before all that happened, I cleaned up the place, put good refreshing strawberry-kiwi smells in my room, etc... Completely ready to have that person here with me... Where am I right know? Sniffing all that alone...
As I left the airport with so much memories and false hopes, that was when I cried... As I drove off to the highways, that was when I cried so much to the point my eyes started to burn and I couldn't even see clearly except that the truck in front was big enough to guide me. But it wasn't enough for a long drive... I had to go to an exit and park at a random place to wipe out my tears but while wiping them off, I felt like throwing up... I was that sad, I was holding that much... I have been such a helpless failure... I have hurt someone too precious to hurt... Coincidentally, that person called and said... "I'll be escorted to the gate... I love you... bye"... I cried even more... My nose got blocked completely... The hopes of the moment I wanted to enjoy as planned, has failed... Fighting together and enjoying it because we are really together... Not happening... At least not too soon... I still drove off quickly, back to the highway, not even caring if I'd get a fatal accident... I drove with my mouth opened since it was the only way to breath, put the windows down and turned the radio volume low... It was playing sad love songs on every radio station... I'm so worried for her now about the fact that I'm no longer a current option for her to stay with... I feel like I don't deserve to sleep peacefully... I don't deserve to seek for fun to forget this pain... I don't deserve it... I deserve punishment... and my punishment is to FIGHT, alone, in here, in order to bring happiness and wealth to her. Her cries are the agony from my failure... It feels like I have done something terribly wrong, equal to an enormous crime, but that is not crime. The planes flying over Montreal North are now haunting me really badly... REAAAALLY badly... Please I don't want her to hate on this city... I love my city... Hate on an officer at airport or his crew / units instead. I know that the city is haunting our mind when we're the victims... But not once we're in the city completely as a Montrealer. Rules in Montreal is the same as anywhere in Canada when it comes to airports. But certain judgements are made by the officers... I plan to go to California as visitor and do our things and BRING HER BACK TOGETHER as visitors and FINISH our things here and go back to California together again but this time, just to finish our visitors two way deals. After all, we can get back one way, to Montreal, as a married couple. I gotta be there with her when it comes to travelling because we're always gonna be together no matter what.
More memories: The restaurant city moments... webcam moments... skype moments... the home design moments... more and more... I should stop crying, I should stop crying despite the feelings of having onions deep inside my nose... I SHOULD START FIGHTING! FOR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! MY FUTURE SPOUSE!
SHIENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I still have tears again as I'm writing this... A lot... I don't remember the last time I cried so much, for a person like me who was known to be cruel, evil, demon, tricky, "uncryable". I did cry before, for the same person and it was the biggest cry to the point I got sick... That was when I knew I was gonna miss her, her voice... But today, the record has been broken from the same person. First of all, it was never a fight that made me cry... It was the fact that I hate to lose her, I hate to not get to talk to her, see her, touch her... Most importantly, I hate when things don't go well for her! Especially when we were this close to get to finally be together. My poor baby... What has she done in her previous life to deserve so much bad curses!? Because she's too good in this current life to deserve so much bad things! Was she bad in her previous life!? Please miracle, god, buddha, anyone, give us the light, the strength to fight the curse and make her have the most beautiful life... PLEAAASE... I BEG YOU!
She has caught my heart so well, she handles my heart at perfection. She's faithful, pretty, lovely voice, she just has EVERYTHING I dream of. But what's most important, the core of everything, is her PURE HEART. Never did I cry over any relationship before... I did have feelings, sadness, etc... But... Were they even love? All I know is... This is really the best love I've ever found, by miles!
I cried, I cry, and will cry... Not from being hurt by her... not at all... but being hurt by how she got so much bad lucks... If no powerful help could lend her the energy that could support her, please, I'd like to sacrifice myself to be the one to transfer the wealthy-happy life to her. That girl of my life has suffered enough... LET HER GO OFF ALL THE BAD SPIRITS AND LUCK AROUND HER ALREADY!!! She hasn't done anything wrong to deserve it! That should already be enough to pay off her previous life debt! She's born an innocent good person!!!
I cried, I cry, and will cry... Although I'm also in pain, I'm not weak to give up being affected by her life. I'm NEVER gonna give up on this love, EVER! She's the most perfect human being I could ever hang around with!
I cried, I cry, and will cry... At some point, it makes me accumulate the power and energy to naturally turn my cries into wealth and happiness, with the best love ever. Crying makes me look weak already, for a person like me... But a person like me will make his cries deadly, full of vengeance, the will to learn from what caused the big tears and turn it into the essence of SUCCESS.
NEVER BACK DOWN. NEVER GIVE UP. IF IT'S ABOUT SOMETHING YOU LOVE SO MUCH AND TAKE CARE OF, NEVER EVER GIVE UP!
= = = = = = =
T.E.A.R.S. O.F. A.N.G.E.L.
= = = = = = =
Can't believe this is not even one year. So intense, it felt like it was 3 years.
So charming, willing to learn and never give up. CAN SOMEBODY EXPLAIN ME WHY SUCH KIND OF PERSON WOULD GIVE UP HER STUDY PLEASE!? THAT IS NOT WHAT SHE WANTS BUT SOME PEOPLE MAY MISINTERPRETE HER INTENTIONS! SAME FOR WHEN SHE LOOKS FOR A JOB! SHE'S A PERSON WHO LIKES TO LEARN, DISCOVER, HAVE ADVENTURE, EXPERIENCE AND NEVER GIVES UP! This is exactly how I fell into her charms... Even when I was gonna give up helping her, thinking that she would just be like others who would just say "Ok thanks", she still didn't give up. Truly one of a kind. It made me feel bad to leave such person with unfinished business there. The way how she kept me was pure heart catching... I really fell for it... My heart beated there... She is truly a faithful love I've always dreamed for... I would never think I'd meet such a person. But I did. And what are the odds to have one like her... Seriously. I fell in love with her and I'm so happy she really also fell in love with me... I love her so much, I can't even imagine her with any other guy in the future, only me. Those guys would have their souls crushed if they even attempt to try to win her heart away from me. But of course it's impossible to win her heart when I already got her heart and she's got mine... Just that my heart with her may fight away whoever tries to get near her.
"What is the Nutty Peanut Butter... ... ..."... That moment was making my heart beat when she started to talk to me with her lovely sweet and soft voice. I kept wanting to hear over and over again even when I wake up, sleep, wake up, sleep, wake up... It made my day and started my day happily at that time.
We went far in the relation together, starting to intensify our love even more, to the point we felt like we've created the sun.
Later on, she introduced me her hard life that kept going on a little worse... Then it seemed to get worser and worser... I was stupid to be afraid to fall into the "worse life story lies" when I just loved her at first. Until later I uncover that all what she said has really been the truth... Being stupid that I was, I was even softer and more laid back although I got paid well but I felt like it was the most paid I could ever get. So I had a talk with her and I said I'd start a new project, business, something that will be kept only for the two of us in the future. Something expandable that would make good amount of money. It is the AG-AG2 new concept which includes business, marketing, etc. Of course, as a start, things don't pay much so I had a side job to survive. Putting efforts on both.
Talking about softness... Wow at how much hockey really ate my times... Imagine what I could have done with those times accumulated together for business only! I'm such a hopeless boyfriend... Why do I realize things after... I need to get into a big fight where too many strong fighters would team up to beat me up. I need to wake up from physical pain.
Whenever I don't see her or hear her, I just completely feel sad, alone, thinking of her...
Her enthusiasm in her voice when she talks about things she has experienced, discovered or known, her laughs... I want them back... I want them back, so badly... I don't want to hear her cry anymore... It's painful... I must bring back what I want... I must make it happen... so PLEASE GIVE ME THE POWER!
I can still also hear the laughes from the siblings... her voice and laughes too... It was so lovely... It is still resounding in my head with sad echoe... I want happiness to be back upon her, her siblings... and of course our future lives including mine as well.
As she recently started school, she was so full of enthusiasm talking about women psychology... I mean it... Full of it... I miss her hypeness... She was about to learn so many amazing things that I hate to admit that most of those things are true on men.
Until we got an interruption (true or not), leading into forcing her to be absent from school. That... that... ahh that is... one of the very sad things to see from the very loved one... So hype, so full of enthusiasm, loving what the person is learning, enjoying and then suddenly something shocks her and scares her and all of the beautiful flame has been extinguished... PLEASE SEND ME AND HER THE POWER TO CREATE THE BEAUTIFUL FLAME AND FEED IT MORE AND MORE!
Paranoia... The whole scary atmosphere around you can surely get you paranoid...
My plans being forced to be interrupted... Leading into emergency plan that happens to fail out of the rush! Will there be luck behind that CURSE for at least ONCE!? ... We should stop wishing... because curse will be paying its debts. We should FIGHT to not have any curse against us, and eventually create more space for LUCK AND SURPRISES.
I have kept my composure in public... my tears (although my eyes had more tears than usual)... my strength in talking... my standing posture... etc... Until I realize there's no more reason to stay at that place any longer, I had to leave... That is when I left that all my memories about my sis and bro came back to my mind... Everytime I left the airport, I never left with no one, with empty hands... Always with a smile, laugh, fun talk... This time, I left with deception that is hanging on my back and legs... Trying to find a way to fight all the curse... I did the best I can as a person from far away... The disappointment is... I SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT SERIOUSLY FROM YEARS AGO! THEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN WAY EASIER!
...
Help... Help her... Help... Help her... Don't be helpless... Help when you can, not when you expect something in return right away.
...
Before all that happened, I cleaned up the place, put good refreshing strawberry-kiwi smells in my room, etc... Completely ready to have that person here with me... Where am I right know? Sniffing all that alone...
As I left the airport with so much memories and false hopes, that was when I cried... As I drove off to the highways, that was when I cried so much to the point my eyes started to burn and I couldn't even see clearly except that the truck in front was big enough to guide me. But it wasn't enough for a long drive... I had to go to an exit and park at a random place to wipe out my tears but while wiping them off, I felt like throwing up... I was that sad, I was holding that much... I have been such a helpless failure... I have hurt someone too precious to hurt... Coincidentally, that person called and said... "I'll be escorted to the gate... I love you... bye"... I cried even more... My nose got blocked completely... The hopes of the moment I wanted to enjoy as planned, has failed... Fighting together and enjoying it because we are really together... Not happening... At least not too soon... I still drove off quickly, back to the highway, not even caring if I'd get a fatal accident... I drove with my mouth opened since it was the only way to breath, put the windows down and turned the radio volume low... It was playing sad love songs on every radio station... I'm so worried for her now about the fact that I'm no longer a current option for her to stay with... I feel like I don't deserve to sleep peacefully... I don't deserve to seek for fun to forget this pain... I don't deserve it... I deserve punishment... and my punishment is to FIGHT, alone, in here, in order to bring happiness and wealth to her. Her cries are the agony from my failure... It feels like I have done something terribly wrong, equal to an enormous crime, but that is not crime. The planes flying over Montreal North are now haunting me really badly... REAAAALLY badly... Please I don't want her to hate on this city... I love my city... Hate on an officer at airport or his crew / units instead. I know that the city is haunting our mind when we're the victims... But not once we're in the city completely as a Montrealer. Rules in Montreal is the same as anywhere in Canada when it comes to airports. But certain judgements are made by the officers... I plan to go to California as visitor and do our things and BRING HER BACK TOGETHER as visitors and FINISH our things here and go back to California together again but this time, just to finish our visitors two way deals. After all, we can get back one way, to Montreal, as a married couple. I gotta be there with her when it comes to travelling because we're always gonna be together no matter what.
More memories: The restaurant city moments... webcam moments... skype moments... the home design moments... more and more... I should stop crying, I should stop crying despite the feelings of having onions deep inside my nose... I SHOULD START FIGHTING! FOR THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! MY FUTURE SPOUSE!
SHIENAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!
FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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