Well... AG is beyond ridiculously quiet.... its like a Ghost town anymore... a bunch of ancient ruins on the internet...  So like.. i know everyones busy with school and all... but no one has the time to come in and leave even one post??? Like what youre doing for the day? or next few days even? And the most odd out of it all... is NPB..    NPB never leaves for so long without saying/doing at least something on AG...  he hasnt done anything on Youtube either. Did you die dude?
I just wonder what's happening to the community....  All the regulars have gone silent. I admit, I'm not leaving many posts...  but i mean.. no one else has left much and surely no one has replied to any of mine. Has everyone given up on AG or is everyone seriously that busy? Well... i'll start posting in this blog again at least...  cause some new stuff has happened for me and i guess i'll at least put it out there just In the case that anyone Might be interested for a moment. I wont expect it though. Uh...  well yeah... i have been pretty busy myself but i still come to AG like once every 3-4 days or so, even if i dont say anything.
Right now i have to get back on the grind... the 30-45 min i set asside for a break is probably over now (i havnt been watching the clock) so thats another couple hours of studying i should get back to.

As shy as I am not...
Well okay, basically I'm saying that I used to be really shy and these days... I'm not that shy. But even in my current state... i feel like such an ass when I have to join a group for a class. So here i am in Accounting 211 and... well we have to form groups... but i missed the first week, so everyone formed groups already.  Well... because I pussed out on looking for a group on friday, because of this remnantal shyness...  And so, i totally missed the assignment that was due on friday...  For one thing, i didnt know it was due TWO HOURS after the class. Anyway, thats my own fault, and now im going to get some mean CiCi's pizza buffet.  Then tonight i gotta study a bunch of kanji. Well.. typically only the new ones for the chapter... because there is a quiz tomorrow.

I'm Bumpin the newest Monkey Majik album. the single "Sora wa Maru de" was all over the radio when i left... probably on oricon top 10 (not sure, i havnt looked)  so if anyone is interested or...really bored and lookin for somethin to do...  check it out. Theres also the music vid on youtube.

what do people really want...    I think most ppl really just want to be remembered.
Of course most people want more than that.. but have you ever met someone and had to move on with your life... Did you ever think that you just want them to remember you...      i think most of us feel like that...

So today i am returning to America. I dont want to go...  Monday i start going to classes...  but... maybe in december i will come to japan again. i hope.. so.. right now im a little sad.

kyo america ni kaeru. demo... honto kaeritakunai... getsuyoubi ni kurasu wa hajimeru. jaa.. tabun juunigatsu ni nihon ni kaeru. ima chooto kanashii.

thats it.. just a short entry today..  and yo... im mad sleepy so i like.. really need to get this packing started haha..  and i'll have to hurry up and finish.. otherwise.. the 20 hour trip is gonna be hardcore shitty... and i plan on studying on the plane and stuff because i have a lot of kanji, vocab and homework to catch up on (classes started last week).. and i'm already far behind on kanji..  which means theres even more studying i have to do this semester..      chikushou!

NPB: lol yeah i need to be more canuck. though.. i've never been to canada. Isnt that weird.. i've never even gone to Niagra.. but like, Canada is only a few hours away.. maybe like 10-15 by car??? i dunno.. but it cant be that far..  I mean.. Erie is in PA ... and thats borderline..   and going to Ohio only takes like 5 hours.. and going the whole way through maryland is like 4 hours...  But then again.. i've never gone to NYC either and thats only like 6 hours away.

AHAN: yeah. japan is sorta like, my life. it's the seed of most of my pride, the birthplace of my main interests (games, anime, music, japanese girls) and.. i love japanese girls..  and the ppl here are so kind.   i sorta.. cant help it haha.   

More about my Personal Character....
My Dream:
Live in japan
marry japanese girl
own a GTR
retire very young

..i dislike work. and my cousins are still mad at me for having "no passion" :(        i just.. havnt found anything that i like enough to be passionate about...     but maybe searching for a passion is an endless search for me.. and i more or less just have to pick something and settle for something i could tolerate for the rest of my career.

i at least decided to finish school... and i think, i'm going to try following the path of the english teacher. if i can get with the JET program.. then i can sign a 2 year contract and that'll be 2 years for me to try and pick up a girl and get a marriage visa :)     Right now.. one of my concerns is figuring out when i can return to japan.   I swear, living here, really helps my japanese.. because everyday i am learning new grammar, vocabulary and getting a lot of practice with sentence structures. so saying certain things and requiring literally no thought and no translation process anymore.
 
looks like we have... 4 frequent bloggers in AG now.. and taozi is pretty active with comments. I'd say the blog system isnt off to a bad start.  anyway.. its 4am and i have work tomorrow and shopping.. so i need to sleep... plus im super tired anyway..  Night


hmm.. passion... passion.... what the fuck do i like to do ..... what do i want to be the best at......

Okay.. so a couple Stunning Realizations and then.. just me thinking outloud about my life.. So this post may be a bit personal and a bit boring as well..    I advise one that really does not care, to please disregard this post. It's not really a post For anyone to read.. just a post for myself to Think.


on the way home, i was talking to my cousin and realized that i have no passion. there is nothing in my life that im truely passionate about. like.. what am i going to do after college? what is my degree even for? ... east asian studies? wtf am i going to do with that? maybe i should remain a japanese major but i really need to start taking my studies seriously.
 
7 days left in japan... i dont want go back to america. i mean.. my dream is to live in japan, marry a japanese girl, and own a GTR. and right now, i'm living part of that dream. i've made many friends. i've had so much fun.  Just waking up and knowing that i am in japan, makes me happy. Even if i dont do anything all day, i'm happy just because im here, and its going to come to an end. But.. in order to live in japan, i either need a long term visa (like a 3 year work visa) or a marriage visa. But how do i get married to a japanese girl? i'd have to be here for a while.. so maybe if i got an internship visa (i know france can get them.. but i dont know if internship visa exists between japan and america) But.. living in japan is expensive, and people here work very hard. my cousin is the owner of a Cake/Parfait string. He owns 6 shops in japan, and he still works. And when i say work, i mean he goes to work 6-7 days a week and puts in about 13 hours of work every day. and yes, he does this Every week. and everyone that works there, works 13 hour days and gets about.. 6 days off in a month. So thats 3 days off every 2 weeks. could you imagine working 78 hours a week? I'm an american... a full time job is 5 days a week 8 hour shifts.. or about 40 hours a week. Even when i was a Sales Representative and all i did was sit around and bullshit with people all day, i still did not like going to work. i have no passion. theres always something else i would rather do. You know.. probably the 2 things i like to do the most is play video games and sleep. Neither of which can be my profession. So i'd need to figure out how to generate enough money w/o working in order to do what i love to do everyday, which is play. Darts, billiards, drink, hang out, talk, video games, dancing, etc etc...  So really what kind a job generates enough money to live on, and yet requires little to no amount of time spent working?         So what do i really do?   Do i try to find a passion that i can spend many hours doing? or do i find something that i might dislike, but only takes a little of my time? 

And about the amount of work that the japanese HAve to do....   Would i rather live in japan and do alot of work.. or would i rather live in america and make enough money to come to japan often on vacation?

theres always the option of becoming a video game tester in california for a software company.. but that doesnt generate much money. i remember reading about it like 8 years ago and the average income was like 15k/year. You cant live on that... thats like a job for a rich person that has nothing to do so they're like.. hey i might as well get paid to play video games all day.

honestly, i dont know what i want to do... i dont know what i should do... and i dont know what path to take in life. I mean,.. its a big decision.. its my future. if i make the wrong choice, i could have a miserable life and lose all the optimism that i once had, and become a totally pessimistic person. and you know what happens with pessimists.. they end up alone and unhappy until they die. thats definitly not an option for me... we only get one life and i want to live it the way i want to. Unfortunatly, the laws of society are an obstacle that i need to figure out how to overcome. And i know that no matter what i choose to do, its going to take  a lot of work at some point.  ........Fucking A....

Toothpaste Warning

So i was taking a shower, and while i shower sometimes i brush my teeth. Because.. well.. In japanese showers there is a mirror and the entire bathroom is in fact the shower and a big drain in the floor so.. hey why not right? It's pretty common thing to do here actually. Anyway.. so i was brushing my teeth and i was looking at the toothpaste warnings. I'm using a medicated toothpaste called Sensodyne.. usually for people that have sensitive teeth but actually.. i use it because if i use other toothpastes i'll frequently get painful canker sores in my mouth.. which is caused by SLS (..um.. sodium lauryl sulfate) which is a chemical in most toothpastes that cause it to foam up..       ANyway... back to the technicality...   this toothpaste and i believe all other toothpastes have a warning that states... something along the lines of "if AcCidEntlY swallow more than normal amount used for brushing, to immediately contact poison control" or something similar to that.. but the thing that gets me.. is that it says "Accidently".  So... what are they trying to say here? If you Purposely swallow more tahn the normal amount.. then dont bother calling poison control? What if someone purposely swallows a bunch of it and then thinks.. *you know what... dieing isnt really worth it* but... hey, they swallowed it on purpose so.. too bad, ur not allowed to call poison control.. its only for accidents.  So why dont they just leave that word out? "if you swallow more than the .... call poison blah blah"  ... and it will get the same message across w/o barring dumb people taht do it on purpose.


Japanese Misunderstanding
So.. i was recently informed that in japanese.. if you dont understand something, you are to say "EH?"  and NOT say "HUH?" Supposedly, it is really rude to say HUH and you may really piss someone off if you say it to them.  Maybe for the Canucks like NPB that is not a problem ;) but.. for me.. thats a hard habit to break damnit!

Another thought about... Thoughts.

This is a short post but I was a bit curious.

What language do you speak in your Thoughts?
I mean.. mostly, when I am thinking.. I think in English.
BUt what about people that are bilingual, trilingual, multilingual...

Example: If you are very skilled in both English and Japanese... which language would you think in..
Lets say you are born in the US, so English is your native language, and when you are in the US.. your thoughts are in English... However, you are also very skilled and nearly fluent in Japanese too. Then you go on a trip to japan, and your surrounded by japanese language... Do you still Think in English, or do you start thinking in Japanese?  When you ask yourself "why?" ... would you instead ask yourself "doushite?"....

Have you ever been in a car accident? Did you ever think back at how... in reality it all happened in a few seconds... but as it happened, it felt like time slowed down to the point that everything seemed like it was moving in slow motion. And in this moment, your thoughts seem to be at the normal pace, and you can notice everything around you in such high detail, taking in as much information as you can and even having the time to think about it and analyze the situation to come to a decision. Have you ever thought about the relation between the time you Perceive and the thoughtss that you were able to do, versus the amount of time in reality. For instance, think about how many thoughts raced through your mind in that 10 second period, and compare that to how many thoughts Usually run through your head in a 10 second period...

So does that mean.. that the speed at which we THink, is the very basis of our judgement and perception of time? Because in both a Normal moment and the moment of panic from the accident.. your thoughts seem to be going the same speed. However... in the accident moment, time itself seems slower. So if time seems slower.. wouldnt that mean you thoughts are going Faster? So you see.. your perception is changed as the gap between the speed of your thoughts and "real time" is widened... but your mind interprets this change as.. a change around you.. which would mean that your brain perceives time using the speed of your thoughts as the absolute basis, or the scale for measurement if you will.

So is that why.. when you are busy doing things (things that actually take thought to execute, not subject to becoming "routine)... that time "flies" ??? And when your sitting around doing nothing, being bored...  time seems to go so slow because.. your not really thinking about much...

have you ever done something (commonly experienced when playing a game or something you enjoy so much that you can be completely enveloped within it, being totally ignorant of your surroundings) and Hours had passed.. but to you it felt like just minutes? ...

Personally, i can think of a lot of times that i was so deep into a video game, that 4-5 hours passed.. and to me it felt like just 30 minutes... Is this because you are Thinking so much and so hard that it causes your perception of time to change? .....

I'll have to think about this more later...      If anyone else wants to partake in a Philosophical discussion about this... feel free to comment.
(actually i just randomly came up with this idea like half an hour ago... and man... i think i've really hit onto something... but i'll admit.. its a bit confusing.. but i think if you think about it carefully, one may understand what im saying.. especially if they can relate it to their own personal experience...)

so i used to have a bunch of stuff on an account i had with Blogger.com but.. i hvant accessed that for like.. i dunno, a year or so and now all the blogs on that account are gone. But oddly enough i can still sign in to that account?? ... wtf man.. for real.  I had some chill stuff on there that i was going to copy+paste onto here and share with you all.. but i cant if its not FKn there.    

Okay.. nevermind i found it.. wrong username hahahaha

So heres the first of the things from my old ass blog that i will share with you all.      If you like this.. then let me know and maybe i'll continue to share more things that i have from there...    

The First One here is from an Untitled Post...  a little rap if you will..

"yo i dont need no hocus pocus, cause im responsible, i keep my shit focused, so know this, if u hatin u can blow this, cause u a bitch and i think u think bogus, i make many friends, if they say "bone us" , well thats cool , to me thats just a bonus, now i aint the type to get all serious, relationships make a person go delirious, got u distracted from the things that really matter, think bout love and if u got any fatter, well that er be the type of shit that leads u to stress, leads u to anger and arguement none the less, but i confess , sometimes u get those feelings but the end is still a mess, so sit back take a breath, study for ur tests, save the emotion for when u can have domestic devotion, like after u get that degree, well thats my connotation, of how to deal with that kinda shit you facin"

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This Second One here is from Jan 13, 2006 aat.. 11:53pm

"I step into the blackness and find myself caught in the middle of a void, the same way a word can be lost in a riddle, or a missing note on the old mans fiddle. Little makes sense in this mysterious environment. Is it a loop or a missing link in time or space? As i lay down upon nothing i began to think, "is this as far as i can go? is there nothing more i can do?" No that cant be it, because no matter what the restraints, possibilities still exist. They may be hard to accomplish, may even seem futile in the wake of attempt, but believing that you can is power enough. The will to fight, the mind frame that will not accept failure, these create the essence of what is known as potential energy. Those who have any basic knowledge of physics know that potential energy can easily become kinetic energy with a push in the right direction. That was the realization that instilled within me Motivation. And i discovered that the void in which i was stuck was really my own mind. Not a missing link in time or space...but a missing thought."

THis Third post from Oct 23, 2005...    i'll only post  2 parts.. and the 2nd is only cause i thought it was funny...

"im not a man of lies , i tend to thoroughly analyze, and yes i have a romantic side, still though, the time just flies, the years go by, and now i have to ask myself why, why do i search and what will i find, when i sift through the jumbled junk in my mind, sometimes i cant see even though im not blind, thats just a common curse dispersed upon man kind"


"friday comes after long awaited anticipation, my imagination ran wild while the weekend was a while away. now that its friday i take a nap, now its saturday, i go for a ride and come back, now its sunday, its sorta fun nay, how the weekend goes fast like spendin mun nay, my last day free and i look outside, what the fuck... it aint even sun nay, 50 degrees out cold with a wind chill that you'll feel for hours, its in ur mind, its in ur spine, i guess its fine, cause now its mun day, and as long as u on campus and u see the ladies with they indicaties poppin thru they tight shirts, what a flirt, that shits hot like those skimpy flirty skirts on a windy day, and then i turn around and to my dismay, a fatty girl oh so nasty just ruined mah mun day"

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